Is it foster or Adopt?

I really think my idea of what the rest of this year will look like or even my hopes for what it will look like, change daily. I want MommaJ to get over her addictions and be stable and secure enough to share her abundant love for her 2 kids that is so obviously there. I also want to love Zak and keep him. I am also sad to lose this time focusing on my two kids, but Zak needs to know the sweet cuddles he deserves. I sometimes think if/when Zak is gone, Haley will be almost 3 and her whole second year is just flashing by (but sometimes, with how crazy that girl is, I think is that so bad? j/k) If I am hoping and setting my goals for Zak to go home to his mom, I think how much more harmful it will be for him to go home and then possibly have to be pulled out again in another year or so. I really just try not to think about it, because all my contemplating in the world will not give me an accurate picture of my family a year and a half from now. So we focus on the day to day. Zak is doing AMAZING! Sunday he went down from 3 doses a day to 2! He barely flinched at the change and I hope that the next 2 and a half weeks of the wean are this easy for him. An occupational therapist with ECI will be coming out once a month for 45 minutes to work on his muscle tone because he is a really uptight little guy. This doesn't bother me. I am actually glad for the help and the extra feedback on his development and how I can be helping him. I was bummed to find out that his visits with him mom are going to be for 2 hours twice a week. I do believe this will help his bonding with his mother and even give her the extra motivation she may need to really push through the difficult times. I am still uncomfortable in that part of town alone at night and it is a bit awkward every time with Zak's mom and dad, (I guess that makes sense tho). I am still nervous about the wear over time of 2 visits a week for an entire year, the loss of time with my husband and kids of 2 missed dinners twice a week for a year. It seems like such a great deal of time and is a bit overwhelming. I guess AGAIN I just have to look at this week and what it holds for us. I never painted myself a saint sweeping in to be a fit mother where others couldn't. We knew we would have a hard times going into this, we just didn't know what they would be exactly or how we would handle those specific hurdles. Somehow I miss him already even though I don't know what will happen. I'm pretty sure (at least for the past couple hours) that he will go home. Noah will be very, very sad because he is very concerned with Zak and loves him very much. Haley will be confused. I think I see the way kids play at the playground and they just kinda flit from one friend to the next and I thought that would be how they responded to Zak. Like it's great to have him to play with and torture, but oh, he's gone, ok, mommy can I have some ice cream. Or something like that. But I think they will have a much harder time letting go than I could have imagined. I thank you for your prayers and support.