Let's all play the quiet-sit-still-and-don't-tear-up-anything game

Poor Zak is not happy with us about his new, considerably smaller dose of medicine. I think his sweet little body is feeling a little betrayed...making us feel a bit angry that he has to be experiencing this at all. It is a cold and rainy day and I love it, except for the fact that we are stuck indoors. Zak is pretty fussy today, understandably, and Haley is blowing through the house causing wreckage all over the place. Seriously, don't underestimate the girl and her damage potential. She can make a surprisingly big mess in practically no time. First after I changed Zak, I walked back into the living room to find her on the floor with the wedding photo album. Yes, she did. A page torn out, negatives laying around and a couple pictures bent up. I clean up this mess and relocate the wedding photo album. I return to mothering to find Haley sitting on top of Noah's train table with the tracks strewn about and holding them over her head like Godzilla (not to mention the pile of waterproof mattress pads she's dug out of a drawer and decorated the floor with, maybe I don't need so many...). I removed Haley to reassemble train town and refold and tuck away my bounty of mattress pads. I walk from Noah's room to find her sitting outside the closet door of the room Zak's sleeping in and she has his shoes, socks and hats sprinkled all over the floor and a pair of his pants on one of her legs. I'm thinking someone needs some serious quality time. Well that's not what I thought at the time. At the time, I thought hmmm...no...they don't make handcuffs that small...

Zak is here!

So we brought Zachary home from the hospital on Tuesday and have had him for 6 days. He has already made some major improvements. First of all, let me introduce all of you(my two followers so far) to Zak. He was born 9-10 at ~5 lbs. and 18" long. When Zak was born he had some withdrawal issues and was put on a weaning treatment plan and kept at the hospital until we brought him home at 5 weeks old. We have to give him oral doses every 6 hours and every Sunday the dose drops down a notch until hopefully he's done the last week of November! He's already gained almost 4 pounds! He was ~8 lbs when he was discharged to us on Tuesday and almost 9 lbs at his first Dr. appointment on Friday. He went from barely smudging his diapers, to real poos (only a parent gets excited about poo) and we're actually keeping him awake for more than an hour a day. I went back and forth wondering how easy or difficult it might be loving a baby that you didn't help bake, but have found it only takes a little time. At first, I would hold him and of course he's a sweet little baby and you can't help but coo at him. But it was definitely like I was holding a stranger's baby and didn't want to cross any lines. It didn't take long though before I was caressing his head with my cheek, kissing his sweet face, and nuzzling him against me like I had with my own children. I did have a thought the other day though. If I'm the one he's used to and bonds with and he goes home to his mom in a year, in his tiny little mind, it'll be me abandoning him and giving him away and he won't understand why. That made me very sad, but God is in this situation so I will not dwell on the scary or sad, but the hopeful and rewarding.
So that's another thing I hadn't explained yet either. It is strictly a foster placement at this time and the placement is set for 12 months. We will get to throw him his 1st birthday party!! I feel great about this time frame because it allows us to really get comfortable together and to love on him and not feel like he's like a weary traveler just stopping in for a bit.
We have weekly Dr. appointments until he's done with his treatments and I have to pick up his prescriptions each week because only the pharmacy at the hospital carries it. Even though the crowd at the clinic scares me a bit, I really like Zak's pediatrician and she really seems to know what's going on.
As for the home front, Haley always wants to hold Zak...for two seconds. And Noah is very sweet and nurturing. Even more-so than he was with Haley maybe because he's been through the new baby thing before and he's older now. He told grandma and grandpa's dog"shh Pnut, baby Zak is sleeping" and he tiptoes around him and asks to touch him and hold him. It's very sweet. There is a little more juggling around the house with three kiddos, but hey, this house is a circus anyway so what's one more clown?

My, my, how time changes things

Even just a day. A day after writing my first post on my first blog, the previous possible adoption placement was decidedly no good for us. But at the very same time, we received a call back about a previous placement we were all set to accept. About a week ago we had agreed to accept 2 boys. One of the boys was 12 years old and one was 3 weeks old. It didn't work out because they wanted a home in Travis county. They called us back because the 12 year old was happy in his foster home but his foster parents would not be able to take the baby. The courts don't normally agree to splitting up siblings, but in this case he talked to the 12 y.o. one-on-one and the boy was very enthusiastic about where he was and because of the large age gap, the judge agreed to allow him to stay at his present home with his baby brother placed elsewhere.

So last night and today we have visited with baby Zak at the hospital and he will be coming home with us most likely on Monday. He is incredibly sweet and a very messy eater (he might have a hidden hole in his lip, but we haven't been able to find it-but we did buy a lot of bibs). Noah's ok with baby Zachary coming home as long as Noah doesn't have to go to the hospital. Haley will just be excited about a baby. He sleeps so much because of his medicine/treatments, but the nurses did say they've never heard of a baby receiving his treatments past two months so we're being optimistic that Zachary will also be done in another month.

We don't know if this placement will be short-term or long-term, strictly foster or possibly open for adoption eventually, but we'll be glad to have Zak with us while we can.

Oh, the possibilities...

So throughout the day, I chat with God. I've decided He's my friend and He wants to talk to me about everything, not just the big stuff. But when it comes to asking God for things, I give a general "Your Will, God" and let that be that. Because I figure He knows my heart. He knows my desires. He knows what's best. AND He knows what will happen. But on Wednesday night, I was like let me really lay it out there for God about our foster adopt process. I asked specifically for three things. First, I wanted the children presented to us as potential placements to be good matches for our home because we're very excited about this opportunity and very flexible and won't be very discriminating of the options presented to us. Secondly, that the potential placements be adoption placements because that's what we really want. We would probably accept a few solely foster placements just to be helping and making a difference, but that could cause us to miss out on adoption placements because our home would be full. So I really wanted the placements being suggested to us to be legal risk or adoption based. Third, I asked that we hear from them soon. We have not had the most responsive experience along this trek and it's easy to feel forgotten about. So I wanted to hear from our agency or our contact person soon for reassurance that we were still making progress and working toward the goal. So that was all Wednesday night. Thursday at 4 I get a call from Jake, our contact person with the agency, informing us of a possible placement. So there's #3. The first thing he tells me about the placement is that they are looking for an adoption motivated home because this case will be adoptable. There's #2. I literally told him you've got to be kidding. The kiddos are within our initial age range (which we were willing to ignore, per case). It is a 4 year old boy, a 2 year old boy, and a 19 month old boy. What a handful right! Going from a family of 4 to a family of 7! So I don't know what God knows, but maybe this is #1 as well. Because it is an adoption case, we don't just get to say yes and get them. We submitted our home study to the children's caseworker like we did so many times through the TARE website (and several times we were not chosen). So we could still be nowhere with nothing to show for it, but if so I still feel like God delights in being in relationship with us and granting us the desires of our hearts when they cooperate with His good and perfect will for us. He was listening and He wanted me to hear His answer. I am encouraged. If we are chosen, it will not be easy. These children were removed from their home because of abuse or neglect and that causes hurt, mistrust and anger as well as undesirable behaviors that were either learned or relied on for survival. It would definitely be a challenge. We hope our friends, family, and community would come alongside us to love on and lift up these children of God who are hurting and in need and not judge and worry and think we're crazy for turning our home upside down. We realize that no one else made this decision or signed up to have such dysfunction as a part of their lives. It was our choice and in being our friends and those closest to us, you will be affected. We appreciate your support and care for our family. We should know if we will receive these boys within the next seven days and I don't know what the transition would look like after that. It could be gradual with several visits before placement or it could be somewhat sudden as the boys are already in foster care. We will let everyone know something when we know something.